For A laugh During this Time of Adjustment

WHEN INSULTS HAD CLASS....

A member of Parliament to Disraeli: "Sir, you will either die
on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease."

That depends, Sir," said Disraeli, "whether I embrace your
policies or your mistress."

"I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries
with great pleasure." Clarence Darrow

"He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader
to the dictionary." - William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway).

"He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends."
- Oscar Wilde

"I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play;
bring a friend... if you have one." - George Bernard Shaw to
Winston Churchill
In response Winston Churchill replied, ."Cannot possibly attend
first night, will attend second... if there is one."

"I've just learned of his illness... Let's hope it's nothing
trivial." - Irvin S. Cobb

"He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up." - Paul
Keating

"In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded
easily." - Charles, Count Talleyrand

"Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any
address on it?" - Mark Twain

"His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork." -
Mae West

"He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts... for
support rather than illumination." - Andrew Lang (1844-1912)

"He has Van Gogh's ear for music." - Billy Wilder

"I have had a perfectly wonderful evening - but this wasn't
it." - Groucho Marx