The Recent Piggybanking Crisis

Report on the Recent Piggybanking Crisis

By Eric Hague


The following report, prepared by a bi-partisan committee comprising both Mommy and Daddy, lays out a timeline of the principal events of last week’s Piggybanking Crisis and its aftermath.


4:15 P.M., Last Friday
Daughter Georgia becomes aware that Addison Murphy from next door is placing a recently refurbished dollhouse on the market at an asking price of $30. Because Georgia barely earns enough from her weekly chores to eke out the occasional candy purchase, she has never really considered herself a candidate for doll-homeownership. Nevertheless, she elects to pursue the classic dollhouse dream and begins to explore financing options.

4:24 P.M., Last Friday
Georgia consults older sister Johanna, the manager of a local piggybank with reserves totaling some $30.12, about the possibility of securing a mortgage. Although Johanna is aware of the meagerness of Georgia’s allowance, she feels that the recent precipitous expansion of the neighborhood doll-housing market, coupled with the effects of informational asymmetries—namely, that Georgia can’t really add yet—are enough to justify the risk.

4:31 P.M., Last Friday
Georgia closes on Addison’s dollhouse. She moves two naked Barbies and a velociraptor into it.

12:00 P.M., Sunday
After receiving her allowance, Georgia makes her inaugural mortgage payment to the First Piggybank of Johanna’s Room. Suddenly left with no funds with which to buy M&Ms on the weekly outing to Pathmark, Georgia begins to realize the enormity of her situation.

12:32 P.M., Sunday
Georgia lists her dollhouse with a local pretend-estate agent, Addison’s older sister Emma.

7:04 P.M., Monday
Dumbledore, the family hamster, is found dead in his cage. Georgia is laid off from her job as chief pellet-refiller.

4:19 P.M. Tuesday
Despite a promising open dollhouse with the twins from up on Fifth Street, Georgia still has not found a buyer. Facing the prospect of missing a mortgage payment, Georgia decides to walk away from her underwater dollhouse. She relocates her tenants to the big toy chest in the basement rumpus room.

4:22 P.M. Tuesday
While Joanna is out at the swingset negotiating the sale of Georgia’s subprime dollhouse mortgage to Jackson Meyers from two houses down, Georgia apprises Johanna that she is defaulting on her debt. Johanna announces immediate plans to foreclose on the dollhouse.

8:12 P.M., Tuesday
Confronting a shortfall of Piggybank liquidity, Johanna appears before Mommy and Daddy and requests a bailout. (See minutes from “Tantrum before the Parental Subcommittee on Finance”.)

8:14 P.M., Tuesday
Members of the fiscally liberal Daddy Party announce support for a short-term emergency loan to the First Piggybank. The Mommy Party adopts the view that though Johanna is a big girl now she is not too big to fail. Following a vigorous debate in both the house and the carport, the Daddy Party unilaterally authorizes the lending of $30.00 to Johanna from the Disney World savings jar on top of the fridge.

10:26 A.M., Wednesday
During morning recess, Johanna acquires $30 through the perpetration of a Ponzi scheme involving the fraudulent trade of Silly Bandz commodities.

3:31 P.M. Thursday
Georgia files a choreless claim with Daddy during the Pathmark trip. Daddy grants Georgia a distribution of candy benefits.

5:42 P.M., Friday
Johanna repays the Disney World treasury in full. In spite of this, the Mommy Party attacks the opposition during mid-dinner debate, castigating it for its failure to live up to is promises to create new chores, as well as for its wasteful candy entitlement programs. Desperate to shore up support among daughters of all backgrounds, the Daddy Party announces that the Disney World vacation will happen next month—and that he’ll just charge the trip on his MasterCard.
The Mommy Party opposes this increase in the household debt ceiling. Talks quickly stall, and the Daddy Party is forced to sleep on the smelly couch in the rumpus room.

6:30 P.M., Friday
Aiming to draw attention to the disparity of wealth that exists between younger sisters and greedy investment piggybankers, Georgia decides to occupy Johanna’s room with a blanket fort. Johanna soon finds herself mildly inconvenienced by Georgia’s vague, ineffectual whining and chants of “I am the 50 percent!”

11:30 A.M., Saturday
The Daddy Party calls for an end to unproductive inter-party bickering as well as for his return to the Mommy Party’s bed because his back hurts from the damn couch.

Conclusions
The parental government would like all daughters—regardless of socioeconomic status—to know that even if these conflicts ultimately prove insoluble and in time precipitate a complete parental shutdown, none of this is actually the fault of the general populace of children, and the Mommy Party and the Daddy Party love them both very

So what is Obama getting Michelle.....

by Rob Chrisman

What is Barack buying Michelle this year? A little non-owner unit, perhaps, but not thanks to Freddie Mac's HomeSteps, which is owner-occupied only. The real estate sales unit of Freddie Mac launched a sales promotion for its inventory of foreclosed homes in select states. Under the HomeSteps Winter Sales Promotion, HomeSteps will pay up to 3% of the final sales price towards the buyer's closing costs and a $1,000 selling agent bonus for initial offers received between Nov. 15 and Jan. 31, 2012. Freddie sold a record number of real estate owned properties in 2011 at 94% of market value (whatever that means) and accounted for 4.4% of the nation's inventory of foreclosed properties as of Sept. 30. But accept no substitutes! The offer is valid only on HomeSteps homes sold to owner-occupant buyers - sorry Mr. Obama. It is available on HomeSteps sales in 28 states and the District of Columbia. Hey, before you scoff, take a look - there are some decent incentives and sweet deals: http://www.homesteps.com/.

Twelve miles up the road, Fannie Mae is promoting its HomePath Online Offers system, which collects offers and manages the submission process on properties listed on HomePath.com. On Pearl Harbor Day "agents and brokers representing buyers are required to submit offers exclusively on the web site. Only properties listed in the following areas are eligible to submit online offers on the designated launch date: California, Florida, and Wayne County, Michigan." Fannie believes its system offers, "A transparent offer process that keeps Selling Agents informed of the status of their clients' offers on HomePath properties listed on HomePath.com and improved communication between the Selling Agent and the Listing Broker regarding offers on HomePath properties listed on the HomePath web site." For more information go to http://www.homepath.com/ or give 'em a shout: 1-866-218-4446.

(By the way, Freddie is temporarily suspending all scheduled evictions involving foreclosed occupied single-family 1- to 4- unit residences. Freddie's announcement noted, "1-4 unit residences with Freddie Mac-owned mortgages beginning December 19, 2011, through January 2, 2012. The suspension will apply only to eviction lockouts related to Freddie Mac-owned REO properties and will not affect other pre- or post-foreclosure processes." The press mentions Fannie doing the same, although I could not find its announcement.)

Both agencies still have plenty of "foreclosure cannon fodder" although delinquencies continued to decline in October according to information released by Lender Processing Services. But foreclosure inventories reached a record high during the month, now representing 4.3% of all active mortgages - how does anyone expect house prices to move higher with that overhang out there? The total delinquency rate in the country is now about 8%, down from over 9% in October 2010. Per LPS the average delinquent loan in foreclosure has been delinquent for 631days versus a few years ago when an average foreclosure took 251 days from the first missed payment. The length of the process has increased by three months just since the beginning of this year for various reasons (backlog, type of foreclosure in the state, lawsuits, and so on).